And You Walk Away

To the guy that walked away again...

You are a fool. An idiot.

You said you wanted another chance and against everything in me I gave in. We had fun. We laughed. And we had more fun. You apologized over and over. You said you wouldn't do it again. In fact, you promised. I hoped - even when I knew I shouldn't. It is what you and I do it seems.

And you walked away again.

When you look back you will see that yes, I'm still here where you last saw me. But each time you look back I get smarter. Harder. I am not still here where you left me because I am crying or even waiting for you. You didn't affect me that much so please do not think that. I'm still here where you left me because I am confident in who I am and where I am. I am okay, because I have to be. Because I've always had to be. I gave you a second chance when I give no second chances because I trusted you again. I believed what you said because I wanted to not because I had to.

Continue looking back my blue-eyed Colorado guy. Remind yourself what you walked away from again and what has been lost. I am not sure any reasoning or excuse will get you a third chance or will ever result in anything more than a distant friend.

See...what you do not see is this woman doesn't need you. I make my own money. I have my own life. I do not have a desire to jump in head first nor did I ever even have a thought of that. I'd never monopolize your time. I had no desire to change you nor did I ever request anything from you. I liked you as you were, flaws and perfections. See...what you missed about this woman was very simple. I do not need a guy but dammit it would be really nice to WANT to need a guy and that is the one thing that will always separate me from others.

Maybe I am too independent for you. Or maybe I am too laid back and not controlling as you are used to from your previous relationship. Maybe you are scared. Maybe you are too weak for me. Maybe it bothered you that I didn't need you or maybe your ex-wife called again to manipulate you. Who really knows. It isn't my issue. It is yours.

Mr. Walk Away, you may have walked away for the last time. You will look back and see what was left on the table but it is too little and much, much too late. I value myself too much and time is easily wasted on the wrong person. I would never trust you with any part of my life, my heart or my soul.  That second chance you repeatedly asked for should have reminded you of what you missed the first time. What you said you realized and what let you know that you had messed up. Remember - it wasn't me that contacted you the second time. It wasn't me that asked for another chance. You should have held on this time and for once in your life taken a chance. It may not have lasted forever but it would have been one hell of a ride. That I can promise you.

You missed the chance Mr. Walk Away.

You are a fool. An idiot.