I am sad for many reasons...sad that I have to post this blog in an attempt to quash rumors that I really do not care about, but I have children and step-children.
Sad that I have to write this post at all because I was too blind and too forgiving to see what was really in front of me.
Sad that I have to write this post and admit the way I was manipulated and lied to for 15 months of my life and didn't realize it until 5 months ago.
Sad that I, once again, am getting divorced. Yes. The D word. You know that saying "Fools Rush In"? That was me. Hook. Line. Sinker.
Why am I getting a divorce from someone that has a long standing enlisted career with the military I am asked. Why am I getting a divorce from someone that takes such good care of himself I am asked. Why would I leave a new home and a new marriage so quickly I am asked.
Let me say this first and foremost - what goes on behind closed doors is an entirely different picture than fake smiles, fake hugs and fake social gatherings.
My husband is not a husband. He never was. I was manipulated into marrying quickly under the guise of him being deployed. Unbeknownst to me he knew he wasn't deploying when we got married. I didn't. Oh - but the other two women in his life did.
Second blow of the new marriage? 8 days in I received a call from one of those other two women in his life informing me he had a son he didn't tell me about. 8 days into a marriage I gained a 17 year old step-son that I truly love with all of my heart. I am so thankful that his mother raised him into such an amazing young man without the assistance of my husband, who had not seen this son in 9 years. I embraced it - what could I do. I worked with his mother and flew him here from Panama for my husband's Christmas gift. It was a great time and he truly is an amazing young man, as his mother is truly an amazing person.
Third blow of the marriage? Within a month of being married one of those two women claimed to be pregnant. She claimed to be emotionally distraught - so much in fact she drove her vehicle into the back of a semi and then called my husband to come to her, 6 hours away. No. I am not joking. Yes. I wish I was.
The continual blow? Said above woman wouldn't leave me alone. For almost 13 months I have been terrorized via email, phone and texting. Block her you say? I tried...she is blocked. She opened new email accounts. She uses some BS app that Verizon and Apple cannot block. Believe me...I have tried.
More? Okay. The constant hiding of his phone...it was super glued to his hand, even when he peed his phone was with him. There was no history of texts, calls or emails. He would "wipe" it clean constantly.
The final blow? Me being ill. Him "forgetting" about the appointments. His various "flings" messaging me on Facebook asking if we were divorced and still texting him after I would reply I am sorry - who is this? We are not divorced. How do you know him?
Yes...I moved out. Without telling him. I had movers come in while he was at work so he couldn't manipulate me into staying. Yes...I filed for divorce. Yes...I am done with his self-serving, lying, cheating, manipulative ass.
Yes...I am hurt and he continues to hurt me, just because he can. That is his MO you see...tear someone down and make them think they need you. Unfortunately for him, he met his match in this strong, independent woman who wouldn't conform to the quiet do as I say not as I do give me an open marriage it will be fun person. I didn't and do not need him and that was why he chose to do what he did. No mistake - it was not that I didn't want him - I just didn't need him. I am successful and very capable of taking care of myself. It was that I didn't need to rely on him for his income or any other bullshit reason he threw at me.
For almost a year I didn't watch television or listen to music I liked because he would get pissed off and threaten to leave. Sorry neighbors - but I blare Eminem and whatever else I feel like blaring randomly to cleanse my soul. I am caught up on OTNB, The Walking Dead and several other shows I would have never watched in my lifetime had I not been so restricted in my "loving" marriage.
To the Diannas, Sheilas, Christinas, Amys, Catherines etc - just say a name - I am sure he has slept with you: I pity you for thinking he is something he isn't. You are in for a ride - and not a fun one.
So that is it...all rumors quashed, or fueled, as the case may be. I am sure as long as a leopard never changes spots he will scream to the world that this is all my fault. And you know what? I am okay with that.
I am okay.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Monday, February 23, 2015
A Memo to the Woman that Slept with My (now ex) Husband
Ms. (Insert every name I've referred to you as) now known as The Other Woman,
As the anniversary of that painful, emotional day looms, lend me your eyes for a moment and let me thank you for opening my eyes wide open. For some time I had been walking around with my eyes wide shut. Not paying attention, trying not to notice the clues. I became a pro at wearing a poker face and no longer letting anyone see the lies that he told were visibly shaking me to my core.
See I loved him. Just as you do I am sure. I believed everything he said and I wanted nothing more than to help him be who he once was, just as I am sure you do. The difference between you and I is that I have never hid from you as you did me that fateful day you were caught in my home. I am sure you heard the sound of me throwing up as I rounded the corner to the garage to flee. I am sure you heard the guttural sounds in the back of my throat as the tears started. I am sure you felt satisfaction that your secret was no longer a secret. I used to hate you. Despise you. I am well aware of the fact that you have followed me to various locations and made sure I noticed you. In response to the question you asked as you bumped into me - yes, I know who you are. I knew who you were then. Be proud you are his girlfriend. I was his wife at the time you asked that question. It didn't matter that I was his wife as much as it doesn't matter that you were and are his girlfriend. You weren't the first affair. I am positive you will not be the last. With that knowledge I no longer hate you or despise you. I no longer pity you either. Neither of you warrant my time and this is the last time I'll speak of you.
Although I give no false pretenses regarding my new marriage I am, finally, okay. I am in a stable relationship with an amazing man. He supports me in everything I do. He is emotionally and mentally stable. He is honorable and well respected. More than that, he would never check his wife in to have an emergency surgery and leave the moment she was taken back - and remain unreachable for almost five hours after the surgery was complete. I hope you enjoyed my bed those two nights I was in the hospital as much as I hope you never have anything like that happen. I know without question my husband would never treat me as the husband that never was treated me in those few days. That is exactly who you are with. Who you think hangs the moon.
Karma has a way of biting hard. Patience is amazing in this case and karma is being served. I am thankful the universe is allowing me to see karma served on a silver platter from a safe distance. I feel no ill will towards either of you but I certainly do not feel even the slightest sadness in his recent health issues, or yours, for that matter. I hope you are both able to overcome them - maybe even together so he doesn't leave you alone in the hospital to entertain the other woman or women in his life.
Ms. The Other Woman, I'd like to thank you for that day. For the raw pain it caused. For the wake up call it caused. For the finality it caused. You are not a home wrecker. There was no home to wreck. Just a house of lies and betrayal. Allow me, on this day, to thank you for Giving me the chance to now what love is. What stability is. How a marriage should truly be. Allow me to thank you for opening my eyes and sending me running. I now have an amazing job with a high salary managing millions in property. I have an amazing husband that not only loves me but respects me and our vows. Without that day I would have none of this. Yes, I really am thanking you. I know who you are with. I know who you sleep with. I know what who you wake up with. Although I try not to feel sorry for you it creeps in at times.
My only parting words to you are to question hard what was introduced in court that you have not seen. Ask to see the photos, the screenshots and what he testified to under oath. Question why he stumbled over his words and why he became so irate and embarrassed. Thank you for saving me from all of that. Really, thank you. In some ways I owe you big.
Sincerely,
Always Grateful
As the anniversary of that painful, emotional day looms, lend me your eyes for a moment and let me thank you for opening my eyes wide open. For some time I had been walking around with my eyes wide shut. Not paying attention, trying not to notice the clues. I became a pro at wearing a poker face and no longer letting anyone see the lies that he told were visibly shaking me to my core.
See I loved him. Just as you do I am sure. I believed everything he said and I wanted nothing more than to help him be who he once was, just as I am sure you do. The difference between you and I is that I have never hid from you as you did me that fateful day you were caught in my home. I am sure you heard the sound of me throwing up as I rounded the corner to the garage to flee. I am sure you heard the guttural sounds in the back of my throat as the tears started. I am sure you felt satisfaction that your secret was no longer a secret. I used to hate you. Despise you. I am well aware of the fact that you have followed me to various locations and made sure I noticed you. In response to the question you asked as you bumped into me - yes, I know who you are. I knew who you were then. Be proud you are his girlfriend. I was his wife at the time you asked that question. It didn't matter that I was his wife as much as it doesn't matter that you were and are his girlfriend. You weren't the first affair. I am positive you will not be the last. With that knowledge I no longer hate you or despise you. I no longer pity you either. Neither of you warrant my time and this is the last time I'll speak of you.
Although I give no false pretenses regarding my new marriage I am, finally, okay. I am in a stable relationship with an amazing man. He supports me in everything I do. He is emotionally and mentally stable. He is honorable and well respected. More than that, he would never check his wife in to have an emergency surgery and leave the moment she was taken back - and remain unreachable for almost five hours after the surgery was complete. I hope you enjoyed my bed those two nights I was in the hospital as much as I hope you never have anything like that happen. I know without question my husband would never treat me as the husband that never was treated me in those few days. That is exactly who you are with. Who you think hangs the moon.
Karma has a way of biting hard. Patience is amazing in this case and karma is being served. I am thankful the universe is allowing me to see karma served on a silver platter from a safe distance. I feel no ill will towards either of you but I certainly do not feel even the slightest sadness in his recent health issues, or yours, for that matter. I hope you are both able to overcome them - maybe even together so he doesn't leave you alone in the hospital to entertain the other woman or women in his life.
Ms. The Other Woman, I'd like to thank you for that day. For the raw pain it caused. For the wake up call it caused. For the finality it caused. You are not a home wrecker. There was no home to wreck. Just a house of lies and betrayal. Allow me, on this day, to thank you for Giving me the chance to now what love is. What stability is. How a marriage should truly be. Allow me to thank you for opening my eyes and sending me running. I now have an amazing job with a high salary managing millions in property. I have an amazing husband that not only loves me but respects me and our vows. Without that day I would have none of this. Yes, I really am thanking you. I know who you are with. I know who you sleep with. I know what who you wake up with. Although I try not to feel sorry for you it creeps in at times.
My only parting words to you are to question hard what was introduced in court that you have not seen. Ask to see the photos, the screenshots and what he testified to under oath. Question why he stumbled over his words and why he became so irate and embarrassed. Thank you for saving me from all of that. Really, thank you. In some ways I owe you big.
Sincerely,
Always Grateful
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