The D Word...Again

I am sad for many reasons...sad that I have to post this blog in an attempt to quash rumors that I really do not care about, but I have children and step-children.

Sad that I have to write this post at all because I was too blind and too forgiving to see what was really in front of me.

Sad that I have to write this post and admit the way I was manipulated and lied to for 15 months of my life and didn't realize it until 5 months ago.

Sad that I, once again, am getting divorced. Yes. The D word. You know that saying "Fools Rush In"? That was me. Hook. Line. Sinker.

Why am I getting a divorce from someone that has a long standing enlisted career with the military I am asked. Why am I getting a divorce from someone that takes such good care of himself I am asked. Why would I leave a new home and a new marriage so quickly I am asked.

Let me say this first and foremost - what goes on behind closed doors is an entirely different picture than fake smiles, fake hugs and fake social gatherings.

My husband is not a husband. He never was. I was manipulated into marrying quickly under the guise of him being deployed. Unbeknownst to me he knew he wasn't deploying when we got married. I didn't. Oh - but the other two women in his life did.

Second blow of the new marriage? 8 days in I received a call from one of those other two women in his life informing me he had a son he didn't tell me about. 8 days into a marriage I gained a 17 year old step-son that I truly love with all of my heart. I am so thankful that his mother raised him into such an amazing young man without the assistance of my husband, who had not seen this son in 9 years. I embraced it - what could I do. I worked with his mother and flew him here from Panama for my husband's Christmas gift. It was a great time and he truly is an amazing young man, as his mother is truly an amazing person.

Third blow of the marriage? Within a month of being married one of those two women claimed to be pregnant. She claimed to be emotionally distraught - so much in fact she drove her vehicle into the back of a semi and then called my husband to come to her, 6 hours away. No. I am not joking. Yes. I wish I was.

The continual blow? Said above woman wouldn't leave me alone. For almost 13 months I have been terrorized via email, phone and texting. Block her you say? I tried...she is blocked. She opened new email accounts. She uses some BS app that Verizon and Apple cannot block. Believe me...I have tried.

More? Okay. The constant hiding of his phone...it was super glued to his hand, even when he peed his phone was with him. There was no history of texts, calls or emails. He would "wipe" it clean constantly.

The final blow? Me being ill. Him "forgetting" about the appointments. His various "flings" messaging me on Facebook asking if we were divorced and still texting him after I would reply I am sorry - who is this? We are not divorced. How do you know him?

Yes...I moved out. Without telling him. I had movers come in while he was at work so he couldn't manipulate me into staying. Yes...I filed for divorce. Yes...I am done with his self-serving, lying, cheating, manipulative ass.

Yes...I am hurt and he continues to hurt me, just because he can. That is his MO you see...tear someone down and make them think they need you. Unfortunately for him, he met his match in this strong, independent woman who wouldn't conform to the quiet do as I say not as I do give me an open marriage it will be fun person. I didn't and do not need him and that was why he chose to do what he did. No mistake - it was not that I didn't want him - I just didn't need him. I am successful and very capable of taking care of myself. It was that I didn't need to rely on him for his income or any other bullshit reason he threw at me.

For almost a year I didn't watch television or listen to music I liked because he would get pissed off and threaten to leave. Sorry neighbors - but I blare Eminem and whatever else I feel like blaring randomly to cleanse my soul. I am caught up on OTNB, The Walking Dead and several other shows I would have never watched in my lifetime had I not been so restricted in my "loving" marriage.

To the Diannas, Sheilas, Christinas, Amys, Catherines etc - just say a name - I am sure he has slept with you: I pity you for thinking he is something he isn't. You are in for a ride - and not a fun one.

So that is it...all rumors quashed, or fueled, as the case may be. I am sure as long as a leopard never changes spots he will scream to the world that this is all my fault. And you know what? I am okay with that.

I am okay.