The Vow

John and I were married quietly among friends and family last weekend. We chose to write our own vows. Powerful. Emotional. Unforgettable. Below are mine. Perhaps someday I will share his.

The Vow

John from the moment I met you I have been caught in a whirlwind. From the first flash of your dimples and the first sparkle I caught in your amazing eyes on our first date, I was lost.

I knew from that first date that you were someone I wanted in my life. By June you became someone I needed in my life. 

So many people in this world go through life not finding their soul mate. The person they need. I know I am one of the lucky few. I have found my soul mate. All that we have overcome so far has only made us stronger. All that we will overcome together will show our strength as one. 

I am complete. As one and as a family with our children: Nickolas, Alexia, Evan and Bridger, we are complete. My family is your family and your family is my family We truly have completed the circle our rings represent today. 

I promise to always love you, cherish you and protect you. I promise to always shelter you and allow you to shelter me - even when I act like I do not want you to. I also, no laughs please, promise to hold my tongue and first cause no harm with my words. I promise to sit beside you and endure Flight of the Conchords and Trailer Park Boys, even when I do not want to. 

I promise to support you in all you do and to always tell you I love you and ensure you know I love you through my actions. I love you. 

Full Circle

An engagement ring was recently placed on my finger. A gorgeous setting to say the least. It is truly beautiful. With the placement of that ring came a strong commitment. One that will prove we are committed to each other completely and will face everything together, head on.

With the placement of that ring also came deep thoughts of being here before. Of knowing what was so right and not so right last time I was engaged. It brought deep thoughts of what the ring symbolizes and stands for. A circle wrapped around my finger, no breaks and no cracks. A solid circle for infinity. Just as the diamonds in it are virtually indestructible so is my faith, loyalty and love to this amazing person that has found his way into my life.  Knowing what we have already overcame together shows we will overcome anything, together, side by side.

With this ring we have come full circle.

In An Instant

I have always been acutely aware of how quickly life can change. One moment you can be living in your happily ever after and the next moment loathe the very person you thought was your prince. You can speak to someone in your life and the next moment they are gone. In an instant. One second. One moment. It all changes.

Misperceptions, misunderstandings, misgivings. Whatever the case may be. You always need to be aware of what is truly going on. Everything can change in that one moment you choose to ignore. That one moment you choose to not follow your gut. That one moment you choose not to listen to the voice telling you to do or not do something.

You never get back that moment. That second chance to undo what has been done or said or the lack of what was said. Everything changes. You have that moment to say I love you. You have that moment to say I am sorry. You have that moment to  forgive. You have that moment to wrap a person in your arms and let them know someone cares.

In our darkest hours we show our truest colors. You never truly love someone if you cannot accept the deep flaws that come with that person. You never truly love someone if you cannot accept them as they are and encourage them to become better as they encourage you to become better. You never truly love someone if you cannot take them with the highs and lows of this crazy thing called life. Find a person that is financially or emotionally ruined;  or hungry, whether for food or for love and affection, and you will see their true colors. Are you strong enough, in that instant moment, to hold out your hand?

It is in that moment, in that instant, that you make or break what is believed.

My Family

I have so many memories from my childhood that I will always cherish. 99% of them include my cousins and my grandparents. We loved then and we love now. Although not as close as we all once were, we still love each other. That is how we were raised. Never fight but if you do always forgive.
We've grown up and have our lives, many spread far away, yet we still love. The way of our world.

As I think of making new memories with loved ones in my life I smile, remembering the love and laughter as a child. I smile knowing we were and are so loved. I smile knowing how fortunate I was to be raised as I was in the family I was raised in. Cousins abound. I may need to be corrected but I believe it was  a total of 17 cousins, myself included. That in itself is amazing. I look at my cousins' Facebook pages and realize how many second cousins I have,  correct me here too, but I believe I have 43 second cousins on my father's side. My family is large and they love large. All held together by my amazing and wonderful Grandmother, Barbara.

I can only strive, in the end, to be as she is and to wish my children had the amazing cousins and childhood I had. To grow without worry and love and laugh and play without abandon. Family is, in its entirety, all we have when it is said and done.

Make new memories. Make new friends. Welcome people with open arms and love and laugh. Live. But never forget where you started and what shaped you.

As my Aunt Bobbie always said "Remember who you are".  I am fortunate to never forget, Aunt Bobbie.

Life As We Know It...

You meet someone and you fall in love. Head over heels in love. You move in together. You merge your families. Children's lives collide with your new relationship yet you fight to keep moving ahead. A past relationship intrudes with your relationship yet you fight to keep moving ahead. You get married. The world collides with your new marriage and yet you fight to keep moving ahead. Health problems ensue and yet you fight to keep moving ahead. All in the name of family. All in the name of love. All in the name of marriage. All in the name of life as we knew it.

You know there are problems and you realize that nothing you are trying is working so you retreat, hiding your tears in hour long baths and behind closed doors of your bedrooom, unable to fight anymore. Unable to keep fighting to move ahead. Then someone sends you a screenshot of your spouse's profile on an online affair website and your world as you absolutely know it comes tumbling down. He promised to never do it again. He promised there was no one else again. But in the end there were several. Several people and several different online profiles. In the end nothing had ever ended. And that was life as we knew it.

Hearts broken on both sides. Lives shattered. Children in the mix, the mess. Lives separated. Objects separated. Divorce follows. And yet you fight to keep moving ahead.

This is life as we know it. The new us. The generation of not fixing it because it is easier to let go and move on than it is to fix it and hang on for dear life knowing to your very core that the person you are fighting with is the person worth fighting for.

We are the generation of temptations at every turn. Social media, online dating sites, online affair sites, gaming systems, long hours at work and every other little thing we can throw in the mix. All serve as a reason to not have to communicate and truly not give your all to make something work, whether it is a marriage, a relationship or a friendship. I am guilty of it. We all are at one time or another, whether intentional or not.

We no longer focus on the "me" to know who we are first and foremost and we no longer focus on the "us" to know what we want and need in the other person and what the other person wants and needs from us. Everything and everyone else becomes more important. We are no longer the people that "court" and "date" as our parents and grandparents did. There are rarely flowers, rarely doors opened, rarely a hand asked for marriage. We just do. We chase, we are pursued. We push and we pull. With reckless abandon. The romanticism is lost on a generation that no longer has the stories of Gone With the Wind and Casablanca. We are the lost generation of saying I love you and knowing it comes from the heart, deep within the soul.

Recently I was asked what I will do different. What will I do different? All of it. There will be no fool rushing in this time. There will be so much communication that there will be no secrets and no need for secrets. The person on the other end will probably tire of me before anything can get started. There will be date nights, alone, without phones on both sides. There will be private, stolen romantic moments. There will be random I am thinking of you texts and random flowers and gifts, just because. There will be great family memories made, together, with all of the children with no separation between whose child is whose. Just one. All of us. That will be life as we know it.

I will know this time there will be no fight or flight. It is a "Sit your ass down and let's work this out right now" type of relationship. It is finding the one that tells me I am beautiful every day, whether my hair and makeup are done or I am sweating with a sports bra and yoga pants on with a pony tail. It is finding the one that looks at me like I am the only one in the room. It is finding the one that makes me see there is no one else in the room. It is the one that I look forward to seeing every moment of every day and the one that I know I cannot rise or fall without him by my side. It is the one that knows how I feel without me saying a word, we would know each other that well. The weak need not apply, for sure. This will be life as we know it.

More than that, it is the one that will be my everything and I his. It is the person I am going to face the world with. Beside me. Not behind me and certainly not in front of me. My equal. My soulmate. The world will come full circle. And in the end, that will be life as we know it.

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